Rev. Matthew's October Minister's Report
October 2021
Dear BUU Board of Directors,
Following my report for September (CLICK HERE to read), I have these updates:
- While the next phase of the Communication Query is still on hold, we are making progress in clearing up confusion within our ICON membership database. Jermain has completed a comparison between the database and our Membership book. With Martha’s assistance, we will be comparing this new list with those who made a contribution of record in the last year. As our bylaws direct, we will then work with Jeanne, our Membership Team Chair, to directly clarify with individuals who have not made a contribution if they wish to remain a Member. Once we have this final list, we will be moving to the second step of the Communication Query and sending out a hard copy of the communication poll to all our Members.
- The “Go Knowing…” videos I’ve created in response to confusion about BUU structure, policy, and procedure are getting viewed and generating positive follow up questions. I have decided to continue to craft them for at least another month and cover areas like congregational polity, belonging, and the meaning of covenant here at BUU. New “Go Knowing…” videos come out on Mondays and old ones are available to watch on our website. Hover over the WELCOME! tab and a drop down menu with themes of the videos will appear.
- As you know the necessity of creating multi-medium worship comes from the uncertainty of the pandemic. The UUA has not only encouraged, but given a variety of methods for congregations to develop hybrid or multi-medium worship, so that changes in regional and local COVID numbers do not impact congregations as severely as they did over the last 18 months. As I have shared with you, our plan is to have fully developed multi-medium services at the start of 2022. This will coincide with the ending of the Baja 4 pre-recorded services.
A Covenantal Concern
On Sunday, October 10, minutes before the start of our 10am multi-medium worship, a Member of BUU came to me in distress. They had just come from our Sunday gathering in the garden and had witnessed a conversation that they found deeply upsetting. Listening, I heard grief, a loss of trust, and a fear that BUU was returning to dynamics that had caused deep harm to the congregation over ten years ago. In the depth of that pain, I could only hold the space for both of us to be together.
Over the last week, I’ve been listening more and learning details, individual impressions, and further concerns surrounding that morning’s conversation. I have found myself holding that same space for others to share deep pain coming from that and other recent experiences within our congregation. Individuals who were present at the Sunday gathering and recorded the comments made, the Shared Ministry team, the Reopening Team (formally Pandemic Policy), and Board Members who attended the Reopening Team’s meeting, each of you have contributed to my understanding. Thank you.
You have clarified for me that this is not the first time in recent months that people have come away from a BUU gathering emotionally injured, feeling pressured to capitulate, or witnessing misinformation and distrust that heightened group anxiety and fear.
It feels vital to me to be clear: this emerging dynamic did not begin on October 10th. It doesn't stem from the letter to the Board of Directors that was presented at that gathering. This dynamic also doesn't come from the personal and professional criticism of me that was voiced at the gathering. I have come to understand that there are congregational dynamics that have been active among us for some time which are contradictory to our aspirational and behavioral covenants.
Checking in with my ministerial colleagues at the district and regional levels, has furthered my understanding of BUU's situation. These religious professionals are a part of our congregation’s support system established through our faith’s tradition of congregational polity. Their wisdom, guidance, and critical thinking has been offered in loving covenant with our congregation. Through my communications with them three steps forward have crystallized:
- Name what is happening,
- Suggest action to move forward, and
- Invite the congregation to re-covenant.
Name What Is Happening
I believe that when an individual joins a church they are seeking to reproduce the best experience they have had within a faith community. How could it be otherwise? However, the concepts of non-violent communication I have learned by being your minister inform me that all too often we have “tragic strategies” when trying to get our needs met. That is, we can work against our own interests and tragically prevent vital needs from being met. This is what I understand is happening among us: people are seeking their best experience of church through tragic strategies. Not only does this prevent needs from being met, but these unfortunate strategies are causing others to be hurt and feel unsafe in our community.
I am well aware that there are those who have not been disturbed by this emerging dynamic, and others who are unaware of it altogether. I imagine what I am sharing will be challenging to hear. I too wish we didn’t have this unhealthy dynamic growing in our faith community. Whenever UUs disagree, I am reminded of the words attributed to Frances David in the 1500's, "We need not think alike to love alike." So, if we can ensure in our congregational interactions that even one fewer individual is hurt, one less person feels pressured, and we can spread more factual information and less fear, then surely we must take action in love.
Calling out, Calling in, Calling on
As you are most likely aware, our society has become adept at “cancel culture.” If you are not familiar with it, broadly speaking, it is the practice of blaming people in order to erase them from community. As UUs we are just as susceptible to cancel culture as anyone else. It feels important to me, then, to name what actions we cannot not take before naming how we might restore our community relationships.
One popular method of cancel culture is “calling out.” It seeks to blame an individual as being solely responsible for issues arising within a community. It fails to see that when unhealthy dynamics arise, everyone in the community has both the responsibility and collective authority to address it. When UUs call out someone, it is often by weaponizing our covenants with accusations of another person breaking covenant. The implication is clear: a person has broken with the community and is not worthy of being in covenant any longer. While I cannot imagine anything so contrary to our faith, this does happen in our congregations and institutions.
Another method of cancel culture is “calling in.” That is, calling someone out by inviting them to return to the community. While this might appear restorative, it makes a similar mistake to calling out, it weighs an individual’s responsibility as being more important than the responsibility of the community. This is not to say that individuals don’t bear responsibility for their words and actions, they do, but community's possess responsibility for their values - even more so when unhealthy dynamics develop. As UUs our community values are housed in our covenants. As wonderful as our covenants are, it is far from obvious how to live them. As a "living tradition" we commit ourselves, individually and communally, learn and relearn how to live out our covenants over and over again.
So to state the obvious: I do not recommend that we move forward by “calling out” or “calling in” each other.
“Calling on,” however, is a movement counter to cancel culture, which would serve us well as our means of action. It begins with the shared understanding that when there are unhealthy dynamics, everyone in the community has the responsibility and collective authority to respond. Rather than blaming anyone, it invites everyone to restore the community by actively renewing its values together. While other faith communities have their unique means to do this, our method of calling on one another is through re-covenanting.
Re-Covenanting
Our BUU aspirational and behavioral covenants (CLICK HERE to read them on our webpage) are remarkable. They name well the values of our BUU congregation. Perhaps most significantly, they have been tested through past times of unhealthy dynamics in our congregation’s history. This means they are strong and can help guide us today.
Last week, in conversation with a few Board members, I suggested that a listening project be initiated to better hear our Members and Friends. We need to better hear those who are feeling scarcity and fear, and we need to craft the means to hear those who feel abundance and trust. In the light of taking calling on action, I am adapting my suggestion and asking that the Board to lead BUU in Covenantal Conversations.
There are several means to develop this project, and there are those outside of our community with both the expertise and care waiting to help us. Beginning by calling on one another to affirm our covenantal promises gives us a better chance to avoid the methods of cancel culture. More than this, starting by reaffirming our covenants would ground us in our trusted values. This could initiate a restorative process that heals hurts, avoids pressure, and develops better communication methods not only for factual information, but so we can better listen to our congregation's deepest concerns and highest joys.
Finally…
It is my belief that we as BUU leaders must name the unhealthy dynamic among us, take restorative action, and re-covenant together. Instead of returning to past traumatic times in our congregational history, I believe we have an opportunity to discover new, unimagined possibilities. We are not alone in this, and there are many within our UUA that are waiting to assist us when we decide to move forward and renew our BUU congregation.
With respect and love,
Rev. Matthew Funke Crary
Minister, Borderlands Unitarian Universalist
Dear BUU Board of Directors,
Following my report for September (CLICK HERE to read), I have these updates:
- While the next phase of the Communication Query is still on hold, we are making progress in clearing up confusion within our ICON membership database. Jermain has completed a comparison between the database and our Membership book. With Martha’s assistance, we will be comparing this new list with those who made a contribution of record in the last year. As our bylaws direct, we will then work with Jeanne, our Membership Team Chair, to directly clarify with individuals who have not made a contribution if they wish to remain a Member. Once we have this final list, we will be moving to the second step of the Communication Query and sending out a hard copy of the communication poll to all our Members.
- The “Go Knowing…” videos I’ve created in response to confusion about BUU structure, policy, and procedure are getting viewed and generating positive follow up questions. I have decided to continue to craft them for at least another month and cover areas like congregational polity, belonging, and the meaning of covenant here at BUU. New “Go Knowing…” videos come out on Mondays and old ones are available to watch on our website. Hover over the WELCOME! tab and a drop down menu with themes of the videos will appear.
- As you know the necessity of creating multi-medium worship comes from the uncertainty of the pandemic. The UUA has not only encouraged, but given a variety of methods for congregations to develop hybrid or multi-medium worship, so that changes in regional and local COVID numbers do not impact congregations as severely as they did over the last 18 months. As I have shared with you, our plan is to have fully developed multi-medium services at the start of 2022. This will coincide with the ending of the Baja 4 pre-recorded services.
A Covenantal Concern
On Sunday, October 10, minutes before the start of our 10am multi-medium worship, a Member of BUU came to me in distress. They had just come from our Sunday gathering in the garden and had witnessed a conversation that they found deeply upsetting. Listening, I heard grief, a loss of trust, and a fear that BUU was returning to dynamics that had caused deep harm to the congregation over ten years ago. In the depth of that pain, I could only hold the space for both of us to be together.
Over the last week, I’ve been listening more and learning details, individual impressions, and further concerns surrounding that morning’s conversation. I have found myself holding that same space for others to share deep pain coming from that and other recent experiences within our congregation. Individuals who were present at the Sunday gathering and recorded the comments made, the Shared Ministry team, the Reopening Team (formally Pandemic Policy), and Board Members who attended the Reopening Team’s meeting, each of you have contributed to my understanding. Thank you.
You have clarified for me that this is not the first time in recent months that people have come away from a BUU gathering emotionally injured, feeling pressured to capitulate, or witnessing misinformation and distrust that heightened group anxiety and fear.
It feels vital to me to be clear: this emerging dynamic did not begin on October 10th. It doesn't stem from the letter to the Board of Directors that was presented at that gathering. This dynamic also doesn't come from the personal and professional criticism of me that was voiced at the gathering. I have come to understand that there are congregational dynamics that have been active among us for some time which are contradictory to our aspirational and behavioral covenants.
Checking in with my ministerial colleagues at the district and regional levels, has furthered my understanding of BUU's situation. These religious professionals are a part of our congregation’s support system established through our faith’s tradition of congregational polity. Their wisdom, guidance, and critical thinking has been offered in loving covenant with our congregation. Through my communications with them three steps forward have crystallized:
- Name what is happening,
- Suggest action to move forward, and
- Invite the congregation to re-covenant.
Name What Is Happening
I believe that when an individual joins a church they are seeking to reproduce the best experience they have had within a faith community. How could it be otherwise? However, the concepts of non-violent communication I have learned by being your minister inform me that all too often we have “tragic strategies” when trying to get our needs met. That is, we can work against our own interests and tragically prevent vital needs from being met. This is what I understand is happening among us: people are seeking their best experience of church through tragic strategies. Not only does this prevent needs from being met, but these unfortunate strategies are causing others to be hurt and feel unsafe in our community.
I am well aware that there are those who have not been disturbed by this emerging dynamic, and others who are unaware of it altogether. I imagine what I am sharing will be challenging to hear. I too wish we didn’t have this unhealthy dynamic growing in our faith community. Whenever UUs disagree, I am reminded of the words attributed to Frances David in the 1500's, "We need not think alike to love alike." So, if we can ensure in our congregational interactions that even one fewer individual is hurt, one less person feels pressured, and we can spread more factual information and less fear, then surely we must take action in love.
Calling out, Calling in, Calling on
As you are most likely aware, our society has become adept at “cancel culture.” If you are not familiar with it, broadly speaking, it is the practice of blaming people in order to erase them from community. As UUs we are just as susceptible to cancel culture as anyone else. It feels important to me, then, to name what actions we cannot not take before naming how we might restore our community relationships.
One popular method of cancel culture is “calling out.” It seeks to blame an individual as being solely responsible for issues arising within a community. It fails to see that when unhealthy dynamics arise, everyone in the community has both the responsibility and collective authority to address it. When UUs call out someone, it is often by weaponizing our covenants with accusations of another person breaking covenant. The implication is clear: a person has broken with the community and is not worthy of being in covenant any longer. While I cannot imagine anything so contrary to our faith, this does happen in our congregations and institutions.
Another method of cancel culture is “calling in.” That is, calling someone out by inviting them to return to the community. While this might appear restorative, it makes a similar mistake to calling out, it weighs an individual’s responsibility as being more important than the responsibility of the community. This is not to say that individuals don’t bear responsibility for their words and actions, they do, but community's possess responsibility for their values - even more so when unhealthy dynamics develop. As UUs our community values are housed in our covenants. As wonderful as our covenants are, it is far from obvious how to live them. As a "living tradition" we commit ourselves, individually and communally, learn and relearn how to live out our covenants over and over again.
So to state the obvious: I do not recommend that we move forward by “calling out” or “calling in” each other.
“Calling on,” however, is a movement counter to cancel culture, which would serve us well as our means of action. It begins with the shared understanding that when there are unhealthy dynamics, everyone in the community has the responsibility and collective authority to respond. Rather than blaming anyone, it invites everyone to restore the community by actively renewing its values together. While other faith communities have their unique means to do this, our method of calling on one another is through re-covenanting.
Re-Covenanting
Our BUU aspirational and behavioral covenants (CLICK HERE to read them on our webpage) are remarkable. They name well the values of our BUU congregation. Perhaps most significantly, they have been tested through past times of unhealthy dynamics in our congregation’s history. This means they are strong and can help guide us today.
Last week, in conversation with a few Board members, I suggested that a listening project be initiated to better hear our Members and Friends. We need to better hear those who are feeling scarcity and fear, and we need to craft the means to hear those who feel abundance and trust. In the light of taking calling on action, I am adapting my suggestion and asking that the Board to lead BUU in Covenantal Conversations.
There are several means to develop this project, and there are those outside of our community with both the expertise and care waiting to help us. Beginning by calling on one another to affirm our covenantal promises gives us a better chance to avoid the methods of cancel culture. More than this, starting by reaffirming our covenants would ground us in our trusted values. This could initiate a restorative process that heals hurts, avoids pressure, and develops better communication methods not only for factual information, but so we can better listen to our congregation's deepest concerns and highest joys.
Finally…
It is my belief that we as BUU leaders must name the unhealthy dynamic among us, take restorative action, and re-covenant together. Instead of returning to past traumatic times in our congregational history, I believe we have an opportunity to discover new, unimagined possibilities. We are not alone in this, and there are many within our UUA that are waiting to assist us when we decide to move forward and renew our BUU congregation.
With respect and love,
Rev. Matthew Funke Crary
Minister, Borderlands Unitarian Universalist